There was once a very short man named Stumpkins Bartholomew Elpobard Sillypants. His Mother and Father, Tree and Andes Sillypants, loved him very much, but according to Stumpkins, had possibly not chosen the best name for him. He was actually named after a great hero of old, Bartholomew Stumpkins, a 7 foot tall mighty warrior elf who had single handidly defeated and slain an entire horde of monsters in the Land of Merry long ago – all while dancing and singing and casting a level 71 Joy magic spell that melted angry monsters, whose remaining goo resulted in flowerings all across the land instantaneously. And so the Land of Merry was beautiful and no longer dark and filled with fear from the monsters of Rage and Darkness.
But that’s not what Stumpkins thought about. Rather, he thought “Stumpkins” was a dumb name. He thought the name mocked him for being short. Which perhaps he was. Very short. Exceeeeedingly short. Immensely and incredulously short. (Dear reader, please understand this wasn’t actually true. He was a bit shorter than most, but this idea was truly all in his head, which to be fair was a bit big.)
Stumpkins wondered if his parents had known he would be short or if naming him such had some how made him to be as such. But I will tell you dear reader neither such could be true. For the magic of the land had waned and also never had worked in this manner.
And though Stumpkins had many friends
and people who loved him, he too often focused on things he didn’t like. His name. His height. His head. The waterfall of Abensdurghhpf. The flames of CookRight (and magical stove in which all spices and seasonings were magically controlled by the positive vibes you put into the meal.) There were also the vroomwagons of Odeth and of Fjjÿord and, Amadong to name a few. In fact dear reader, there may be too many examples to name so we must press on with the tale of Stumpkins.
Now you must understand that Stumpkins, had 4 closest friends, 3 elves and a talking baby tiger. The elves, Sarafina, Theodosius, and Ellioden loved to spend time with Stumpkins. And FluffyfaceMcCuteness loved to attack him and pounce on him when he wasn’t looking. She really thought she was a true tiger of legend and of old. (But to be sure she was too young and cute for that.)
Now all of these had many adventures and fun together, and you would think that all would be well, but Stumpkins had trouble focusing on the joy, the power which his ancestor had wielded to save others long ago. And over time a darkness began to creep over the land of LaPorAnd where they lived.
And as such the wise mage Lynmer decreed that Stumpkins must go on a quest back to his homeland to unearth the joy of his ancient forefather and remove the darkness from LaPorAnd.
These dear reader are the journal entries of Stumpkins as he went on his quest to conquer his own anger and regain his true power to help remove the darkness in LaPorAnd. For some reason, he has written them in the third person. Because he is weird.
(If this old author has misremembered these names the dear reader may correct him.)